WEEKLY HEADLINES!
MITT ROMNEY SAYS THAT, COMPARED TO OTHER GOP CANDIDATES, HE"S ONLY BEEN MARRIED ONCE! But, it was to 3 women, in a group wedding at his local Mormon Temple

PARIS HILTON SENTENCED TO 45 DAYS IN JAIL! Late night comedians immediately experience Kama Sutra like orgasms.

SECRET COURT APPROVED 2177 WIRETAPS LAST YEAR TO LISTEN IN ON AL-QUEDA TERRORST'S PHONE CALLS IN U.S. What the hell? There are 2177 Al-Queda operatives in this country??? Does Homeland Security know about this?

PRESIDENT BUSH, ON NATIONAL PRAYER DAY, SAYS "GOD INCLINES HIS EAR AND LISTENS TO US" Then God says, "Get out of Iraq! Right now! I mean it! I'm not kidding! I commandeth you!

VP CHENEY SAYS GOD'S COMMENTS "EMBOLDEN" TERRORISTS! God to give Democratic weekly radio address.

GOD PONDERS CHENEY OPTIONS! 4th heart attack, or lightening bolt?

CONDOM BASHING BUSH APPOINTEE RESIGNS AFTER ADMITTING HE USED ESCORT SERVICE FOR MASSAGES! After all, how can you get a good rubdown if you've gotta wear latex?

NRA SAYS "NO" TO DENYING SUSPECTED TERRORISTS THEIR RIGHT TO BUY GUNS! I didn't make this up.





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Friday, May 04, 2007
ALL THEM DUELING "INTERNETS" Category: News and Politics
The President spoke to the National Association of Land-Rapers, er, I mean General Contractors, the other day and mentioned again his fondness for the "internets", which, as we all know, are made up of a series of "tubes" (Hat tip: Sen. Ted Bridge-to-Nowhere Stevens). Previously, he has spoken of his fondness for "the google". He aslo talked glowingly of these new "radio waves", which, through a series of tubes (again!), pistons and windmills will be able to "beam" music into your cars and houses. (OK, I made that part up).
He expressed his sadness over all the "kids" who've died in this necessary War on Terror, whether they be 18 year old American cannon fodder or 33 year old suicide plane hijackers. I'm NOT making this up. He also announced that he is now the "commander guy". He used to be the "decider", but that was determined by White House strategists to not be manly enough.
In other news, and during another speech, the President announced that the rug in the oval office is "optimistic". (Again, I'm not making this up). Karl Rove immediately booked the rug on a 30 city speech tour and said a book deal is in the works.
8:34 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
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